• I realized today that there are only 11 days until Christmas. Where is my life going??
• I really wanted egg nog this weekend but Publix didn’t have the small size; only half gallons.
• When I remember that the thing inside me is another little boy, I get extremely excited. Being a two boy mama is going to rock!
• Slow work week but so much still to do.
• I’m almost done addressing Christmas cards and I have got to get them out this week.
• This endless rainy, foggy, humid weather is sucking my will to live. And my Christmas spirit.
• The recap of my trip to the Florida state caverns will be up very soon.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Let your heart be light From now on, our troubles will be out of sight Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Make the Yule-tide gay, From now on, our troubles will be miles away

Perhaps it’s the fact that school is basically over and my job revolves around the collegiate school year, so I feel this impending something… Once grades are all in and posted, I think that will subside and I can read my vampire porn in peace, thank you. But until then, I still feel relatively anxious. Though, traffic was A LOT thinner this morning, proving that the students have been trickling out of town all week as finals have finished up and by next week, it’ll only be real Tallahasseans around here. And won’t that be different? And nice? Yes.

I hate that I always feel stressed around Christmas. Doesn’t that even sound silly? This should be a very happy time of year. I have been on and off listening to the XM Christmas stations but I don’t want to overdo it. However, I always stop when this song comes on: (partial lyrics)

I think this is really good advice for me now. I’ve got to let go of my anxiety and worries and that mental to-do list that’s been driving me insane. If I could just write it all down and stick to it, then my brain wouldn’t feel all overloaded. I just wish it were easier to do this. What will it take for me to feel in the Christmas spirit and able to slow down and appreciate things? Maybe now that it’s colder, I can feel wintry. And maybe since I am about to mail out my Christmas cards, that one line through an item on my list will bring about a feeling of accomplishment.

I don’t know; what do you do to get in that Christmas mood? Shopping kind of works but then I feel guilty about money. Please, halp!

One more hit and my blog will be at 50,000. Pretty good for something so small-time. I hope someday in the future I will both find the time and find my niche that will bring in more readers. Maybe once I get the hang of two kids, have a better job, and have some kind of steady life. Wait, will that ever happen? I guess I may never know.

It’s finals week here on campus so my neck of the woods is exceedingly quiet. On the one hand, this is great for productivity and my general stress level. But it’s also sort of creepy.  I should be used to it after three years at this job. There are ups and downs and periods of high activity and times when it’s dead. Not an altogether bad situation; I worry, for whatever job I find next will certainly not be this gracious. I should be thankful for the perks that this job does offer: downtime, freedom, and the maternity leave is good.

This pregnancy is going well, aside from the heartburn and the sleepless nights. Ok, well, not sleepless but I wake up multiple times. Oh, and my dreams have been super vivid lately (how bad is it that I can’t use the word “vivid” without thinking about a porn company??). I watched an episode of TrueBlood the other night and I just kept having these dreams where Bill (the vampire, for those of you not in the know) was standing outside my home. Not in a menacing way but in a protective way, much the way he watches for Sookie. I know it’s cheesy but that’s why you don’t watch that show right before bed.

I have some thoughts on the Sookie Stackhouse books, now that I am on the 6th one… (cut for spoilers)

From:

Sunday Stealing: The Strange Question Meme, Part 2 (I obv. missed part one but oh well)

26. What color is your watch?

I have a watch but I don’t wear it. It’s a Citizen and it’s mainly gold.

27. What do you think of when you hear “Australia”?

The book by Bill Bryson, “In a Sunburned Country”

28. Would you strip for money?

I’d have to be pretty desperate…

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?

Neither; I don’t eat fast food

30. What is your favorite number?

84

31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?

My sister at about 1:45

32. Any plans today?

Besides finishing up the work day? My goal is to bake an apple tart and read.

33. In how many states have you lived?

Only one!

34. Biggest annoyance right now?

Constant pregnancy-related heartburn

35. Last song listened to?

Hmm, I think “Come on, Eileen” was playing when I turned off the car

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?

Actually, yes. I learned a song in second grade.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?

Yes, it’s called Claire’s Cleaners and they come around every Saturday while the kid naps.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?

Reef sandals

39. Are you jealous of anyone?

I say I am but in all honesty, no. I make of my life what I can.

40. Is anyone jealous of you?

Maybe?

41. Do you love anyone?

Well, yes. Many someones.

42. Do any of your friends have children?

Most all of them, I would say. And some of my acquaintances too.

43. What do you usually do during the day?

Slack off, drink beer, play video games. Oh no, that’s not me. I go to work.

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?

Nope.

45. Do you use the word hello daily?

Probably more like a hey

46. What color is your car?

Atomic Blue

47. What size wedding ring do you wear?

8. I have fat ass fingers

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?

Isn’t it pretty much impossible not to?

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?

Nope. I hate roller coasters

50. How did you get your worst scar?

My mother dropped a knife on my toe accidentally

Stolen from Loaf

1. What was your best trip in 2009?

Birthday trip to NYC where Ash and I stayed on the 37th floor of the Park Lane hotel, overlooking Central Park. We ate yummy food and saw Wicked and had a blast.

2. What is the best book you read in 2009?

It’s funny; I read a lot but I quickly forget all the stuff I read. I guess I ought to use Goodreads more often. For now, I will say it was Life of Pi (even though I am not quite done.)

3. What was your most peaceful moment in 2009?

Going back to the NYC trip, the night before my birthday, Batman Returns came on TV and watching it in bed with Ash was a high point in calmness.

4. What was your biggest challenge in 2009?

Coming to terms with the fact that I will have two kids and need to support them financially.

5. What’s the best change you made to the place you live?

Hmm, I guess the rearrangement and hard-core clean-up of our major rooms really.

6. When did you get your best rush of the year?

Definitely the moment when the ultrasound revealed this kid to be a boy. It was so nerve wracking up until then; my heart was racing!

7. Online or offline, where did you spend most of your mad money this year?

Probably off-line for various things like comics and pedicures.

8. Who was the best new person who came into your life in 2009?

I don’t think I met anyone new this year that I didn’t already really know but let’s say Justin, because my sister’s boyfriend is really good to/for her and that makes me happy.

9. What was a lesson you learned this year that changed you?

I think I finally came to terms with the fact that although loyalty is a great quality to possess, I can let it go in terms of this job and if I have to move elsewhere, it will be OK. I am ready to move forward.

I think the title is pretty telling but our ultrasound yesterday revealed this little squirmy thing inside me to be another boy. Woot! I know a lot of women who cry when they find out such news but I’m thrilled. All those same clothes will be revisited! We have a name! (No, I don’t think I’ll tell you just yet. ) And I know boys now. Yes, this child will be a different game altogether but I have experience in the care of infant boys.

It’s not that I wouldn’t have been OK with having a girl. There were a lot of reservations about it – probably in the same way boy mothers cry at their news – but I doubt I would have been all that upset. It would just mean adjustments and going into something completely different. And as we all know, that’s never so bad. Learning new things is good for you.

But like I told all the disappointed friends and family, I don’t have control over genetics. Ash’s bloodlines just create baby boys. I know that all the women in my family wanted a girl. At first, I felt like I was letting them down but I cannot control science and evolution and all that other stuff. So I am sorry, Alyson, that you won’t be able to share your Hello Kitty stuff. And I am sorry, Mom and Brenna, that you can’t knit all those cute things for a girl. BUT! Two boys equals twice the mischief and mayhem and isn’t that awesome?? I know my father is ecstatic about it all.

I realized, as the technician was going through all the various body parts: the heart to make sure it has four chambers and the umbilical cord’s three ventricles, the nice tapered spine and the head, the base of the skull to make sure it’s not too thick, which would indicated Down’s Syndrome… it was then I realized that whatever she showed us in terms of gender organs, I didn’t care. The baby was growing right on schedule, had all its appendages and organs, and it was stretching out and flopping around all cute-like. When she showed us the – obvious – boy bits – the relief came from the ease of entering him into our lives in terms of clothes, etc. (I’m frugal, what can I say?)

I promise I’ll post the grainy b&w pics to Flickr soon; Ash had them on the scanner last night but I think we were both too busy making phone calls to get stuff done. We’re happy and scared of the financial side of things but still over the moon about having two little boys. I’ll be outnumbered but I don’t mind at all. /biggoofygrin

Have you ever been nervous/afraid of something, something coming up in your near future, that every time you remembered it you got this weird pang in your heart or stomach? Every time I think about today’s ultrasound, I get that. Last time, I had this naive, stupid fear that I wouldn’t get the boy I so longed for. This time, my main fears stem from the fact that this could reveal development issues. Of course, for the most part, everything is usually fine. But it’s a scary experience anyway.

I know I ought to be excited; I should be just thrilled but that’s not my style. I worry first. Luckily, my day has been pretty busy and I haven’t had time to sit here and be nervous and scared.

SO, I promise a post to tell you what I am having. It’ll either be a complete set or a matching set: you’ll just have to wait and find out!!

This post in no way has anything to do with Christmas! or December! or even anything remotely related to the holly jolly time of year, though it was my intention to write a “First of December” post. I feel obligated to write what I am about to because sometimes the cosmic forces tell you things.

So thing one was that when I turned on the TV this morning, Mtv was actually playing music. Well, if you can call it that. I don’t know what kids these days are putting into their earholes but my god, it’s bad. I know this makes me sound old and curmudgeony but like all things, they don’t make it like they used to. So, POINT being: there was music on Music TV!

Thing the second is that on the XM 80s channel this morning, they played two songs in a row that triggered my way back machine and I remembered being about, oh, six or seven and heavily influenced by Mtv. This is back when they actually did play a lot of videos because it was a happier time and bands took music and videos seriously. I had a few favorites at this time: “Uptown Girl” by Billy Joel, “If This is It” by Huey Lewis and the News, and “Just a Gigolo”, a solo effort by Van Halen front man, David Lee Roth.

I’m sure a large part of my interest in these songs had to do with my father, who watched a whole hell of a lot of TV and it was a great way to watch me at that same time. (Presumably when my mother was at work but as far as I can recall, she mostly worked weeknights; maybe a Saturday morning here and there.)

Anyway, so XM played both “If This is It” and “Uptown Girl” back to back this morning. It made me feel like I did when I was a kid and I obsessed about these songs and the singers. It was like these were mine. Perhaps that’s the collector in me; I have always liked collections. To me, liking these songs was like something I held on to. These were “my videos”. And the one thing I notice about at least 2/3 of them is that the artists were what we’d consider the Bad Boy.

Since embedding is disabled on two of the three, you’ll have to deal with links. But go and see and you’ll understand what I mean:

Uptown Girl
Just a Gigolo
If This is It

Guess I’ve always had a thing for guys who were “bad” or from the wrong side o’ the tracks, (as they say). This could be what led me into liking Guns ‘n Roses, Def Leppard and Motley Crue. And the funny part, to me, is that I ended up falling in love with a computer nerd.  I find this pretty amusing. The world has plans for us, no matter what. Ash has been really understanding this whole pregnancy, in which I have been far harder to deal with than the first time. At least, I feel like it. I can’t even begin to, well, thank him for that patience. It’s not easy dealing with someone who’s exceedingly happy then mopey and sorrowful the next second. Heap onto that all the discomfort, which I constantly complain about, and the general exhaustion that renders me useless after 8 PM.

I don’t know if I could deal with me, if I were him. It takes a lot of fortitude. For that, I am forever grateful. I feel like I owe him or something.  I wonder what would be appropriate as a “gift” to give back to him…

Not only have I been procrastinating getting my actual work work done, but I have put off the Big Thanksgiving Recap post. This is due in part to the fact that I am TIRED and mostly, because I need a break from my break; this vacation seemed extra special stressful, for some reason.

SO, we got out of the house around 7 PM Tuesday night and the drive was fine; Elliot fell asleep within the first hour. I only had to stop to use the bathroom once, which was pretty good for a pregnant woman. I don’t think I slept any even though I was pretty tired. When we got into Orlando I think I ate a piece of pizza and we went to bed pretty much right after the brief welcome.

The great thing was that Wednesday was a totally free and complete day. We woke around 7:30-8 and got ready to go to Bob Evans, which was one of my only requirements of our trip. The food was yummy, let me tell you. And the rest of the day was just visiting, etc until my mom went with Ash and I down to Ikea, which was a 3 hour round trip, considering all the traffic. We didn’t find the bins we wanted for Elliot’s room – because Ikea doesn’t apparently make bins with locking lids – but I found a kitchen rug and a wall clock for my office. Ash and I should have gone out that night but we pretty much just hung out.

Thursday morning Ash ran and I helped with meal prep while we waited for my aunt and grandparents to arrive mid-day. About an hour or two before mealtime, Alyson’s boyfriend, Justin, showed up so we got to know him a bit. Once everyone was there, it got loud and hectic and my stomach started to really hurt, but I couldn’t tell you why. It could have had something to do with my Aunt worrying about EVERY TINY THING and constantly asking where Elliot was, as if any of us want something bad to happen. I think it was at that point I started to get VERY STRESSED. I didn’t really get to enjoy the wonderful meal because of the pain in my stomach. But for once, I also didn’t overeat!

Ash wanted to go shopping on Black Friday but we didn’t get out until around 11, which was actually better because all the crazy deal shoppers were gone. But I was in a pissy mood so our trip wasn’t that exciting. I managed to get out of the funk briefly and then I finally listened to Ash and we got out for the evening. We met up with my sister and Justin at Don Pablo’s, where Ash and I hadn’t eaten in a decade. It was really nice to sit down with the two of them. To be honest, I’m not sure I was ever going to see a day where I’d have a meal with my significant other and my sister and hers. After dinner, we parted ways and Ash and I saw Ninja Assassin, which was actually fairly awesome. I’m diggin’ on Rain, the actor who played the main role.

Maybe it’s just the abs I like. I’m not sure yet. ANYway, since Saturday was our last day, we laid low. My grandparents left around noon and I realized how hard it had been with them there, even though I cannot honestly pinpoint why. I think everyone breathed a little easier once they were on the road. We stuck around for dinner and then got the hell outta dodge, which was, again, stressing, because I was tired and didn’t feel like driving and I just wanted to go home to my own bed and forget about all the little annoyances having to do with family get-togethers.

I don’t want to sound like the whole time sucked; Elliot had a blast with all of our family and he loved hanging out with Justin. He was well-behaved and we also got some awesome pictures, so I just shouldn’t complain. But it just felt very overwhelming this time. I have an excuse; I can just blame this pregnancy. Sigh.

So yesterday was supposed to be a time to recoop and regather and just hang out. Except I: went grocery shopping, did laundry, made a big lunch, built a light box, got dressed and saw New Moon. So, no rest really. Unless you count the movie. And there was a slight reprieve in Jacob’s abs:

My weekend viewing was very, uh, ab intensive. And hey, I’m not complaining. But it really felt good to be back in my office this morning, spending time alone. I don’t know what it is about this time of year but there are times when I just want to crawl under a rock and tell everyone to leave me alone. I’m not all bah-humbug about Christmas, I swear! But sometimes all the crazy shopping and deadlines and end of year crap just eats me alive.

Perhaps I need another massage or to do more yoga; I need to find a way to de-stress. I really think it’s hitting me hard lately. I know the only person who can fix this is myself and maybe that’s the hard part. I hate to be such a downer in this time of holiday cheer but something is just not right with me after this trip. It’s down times like these that things seem to turn around at the drop of a hat – in an instant, etc. I just hope that turn comes sooner rather than later.

I hope everyone’s November is wrapping up nicely. See you in December.

In the words of the Walgreens sign on Conroy Boulevard, coming home from IKEA:

“Happy Thangs Giving!”

(Thanks to a fellow DeviantArt peep for the artwork!)